In The Navy 2011

In The Navy 2011 (Parody of "In The Navy"by The Village People)


Where can you find pleasure
Seeking hidden treasure
In your shipmate’s BVD’s
There’s no ask or tell now, everything is swell now
There’s more semen on the seas
You can learn to pile drive
Even learn to skin dive
Study male anatomy
You can play the skin flute
If your bunkmate’s real cute
And he’s playing on your team

In the navy
You can embrace your fellow man
In the navy
And offer him a playful hand
In the navy
You can shower with a friend
In the navy, in the navy
You can scuttle someone’s butt
In the navy
There’ll be lots of time to rut
In the navy
Put your feelings on display
In the navy
Congress said it was okay
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy

They want you, they want you
They want you if you are a fruit

Tired of the land strife
Sickened by the straight life
Here’s your shot to get away
Go down and enlist
You might just have a tryst
If your recruiter’s also gay
Go and take a chance
And search for some romance
Gobs of seamen think your way
Just throw on your pea coat
Jump into a love boat
Make your dreams come true today
　
In the navy
You can embrace your fellow man
In the navy
And offer him a playful hand
In the navy
You can shower with a friend
In the navy, in the navy
You can scuttle someone’s butt
In the navy
There’ll be lots of time to rut
In the navy
Put your feelings on display
In the navy
Congress said it was okay
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy

They want you, they want you
They want you if you are a fruit

                            (c)2010SquireMalloy. All Rights Reserved

Christmas Song 2010

The Christmas Song 2010
(Parody of "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole)

Hot dog roasting o’er a garbage can
Shopping Goodwill for your clothes
Repo man pulls away with your car
On your home, they’re ready to foreclose

But everybody knows
That AIG and Citigroup
Will keep bankruptcy at bay
CEO’s, with their corporate jets
Do anything but cut their pay

Yes Bush and Paulson had their way
The golden parachutes and bonuses will stay
Now all the taxpayers will bitch and fret
"It looks like all they do is run up the national debt"

So now we’re living in a welfare state
At least for those too big to fail
Little folks try to steal like they do
But they wind up in jail

Yes Bush and Paulson had their way
The golden parachutes and bonuses will stay
So what’s another lousy trillion bucks
As usual, the taxpayer’s shit out of luck

And so I’m offering this simple truth
Doesn’t matter what you do
Although it’s been spun as a rescue or loan
It’s a bailout, merry bailout
It’s a bailout, so screw you

                       (c)2010SquireMalloy. All Rights Reserved
　

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like X-mas

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like X-mas
(Parody of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)

It’s beginning to look a lot like X-mas
Everywhere is snow
There are Christmas trees all around
But no crèches are on the ground
The atheists all said they had to go

It’s beginning to look a lot like X-mas
Crosses all are bare
The judges have made it so
To a church you have to go
You can see Him there

A nice public square that is barren and bare
Is the wish of the ACLU
A big empty fir with no angels or myrrh
Is about the best you can do
At least we still have Santa Claus and all his reindeer too!

It’s beginning to look a lot like X-mas
The Magi have been canned
Joseph and Mary are not around
Baby Jesus cannot be found
The whole darn holy family’s been banned

It’s beginning to look a lot like X-mas
Where can faithers run?
The Supreme Court is where to go
If you really want to show
Church and state are one!
　
©2010SquireMalloy. All Rights Reserved

'Tis the holiday season, let the rejoycing begin!


The Eight Days of Hanukkah

On the first day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
My condo in Miami Beach

On the second day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
2 Mercedes-Benz and my condo in Miami Beach

On the third day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
3 vacation homes, 2 Mercedes-Benz, and my condo in Miami Beach

On the forth day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
4 country clubs, 3 vacation homes, 2 Mercedes-Benz, and my condo in Miami Beach

On the fifth day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
5 million bucks (oy vey!), 4 country clubs, 3 vacation homes,2 Mercedes-Benz,
And my condo in Miami Beach

On the sixth day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
6 valets parking, 5 million bucks (oy vey!), 4 country clubs, 3 vacation homes,
2 Mercedes-Benz, and my condo in Miami Beach

On the seventh day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
7 pool boys cleaning, 6 valets parking, 5 million bucks (oy vey!), 4 country clubs,
3 vacation homes, 2 Mercedes-Benz, and my condo in Miami Beach

On the eighth day of Hanukkah, Madoff took from me
8 maids a-dusting, 7 pool boys cleaning, 6 valets parking, 5 million bucks (oy vey!),
4 country clubs, 3 vacation homes, 2 Mercedes-Benz,
And my condo in Miami Beach

                    (c)2010SquireMalloy.All Rights Reserved

 Korea (Parody of "Maria" from West Side Story)

It's the scariest country in the world
Korea, Korea, Korea, Korea
They got nukes but we don't say a single word
Korea, Korea, Korea, Korea
Korea
There's been an attack by Korea
It's really such a shame
We cannot blame Hussein
This time
Korea
Jong Il's the head nut in Korea
Jong Un is next in line
He may have a design
For war
Korea
Say it loud you can't hear the crying
Say it soft, you can hear people dying

Korea
There's been an attack by Korea

It's the scariest country in the world
Korea

                            (c)2010SquireMalloy.All Rights Reserved

Here's something for you ladies to get you psyched for Black Friday and the upcoming holiday shopping season.

The Squanderer (parody of the "Wanderer" by Dion)

Well I'm the type of gal who likes to shop around.
Wherever they take plastic, well you know that I'll be found
I flash 'em and I snap 'em 'cause to me they're all the same
I don't leave home without 'em, I know how to play the game
Cause I'm a squanderer, yeah a squanderer
I shop around, around, around, around

Well there's Visa on my left and Discover on my right
But Mastercard's the one that I'm gonna use tonight
And when they ask me which one I love the best
I tear open my purse and show the American Express
Cause I'm a squanderer, yeah a squanderer
I shop around, around, around, around

Well I roam from store to store
I go through life without a cent
And I'm as happy as a clown
With my cash advance you know I'm payin' the rent

Yeah I'm the type of gal who likes to spend it all
I'm never in one place, I go from mall to mall
And when I find myself runnin' short on green
I hop right into my car and hit the ATM machine
Cause I'm a squanderer, yeah a squanderer
I shop around, around, around, around

Cause I'm a squanderer, yeah a squanderer
I shop around, around, around, around

                         (c)2010 SquireMalloy.All Rights Reserved

Here's some new stuff......


If I Only Had a Spine (The Harry Reid Theme song)
(Parody of “If I Only Had a Brain” from Wizard of Oz)
　
I could pass some legislation, without much hesitation
And everything’d be fine.
I could push it through the senate
Grab a vote from Hatch or Bennett
If I only had a spine.
I could be somewhat specific, yes that would be terrific
And our cause I could define.
With some guts you could do it
And not just muddle through it
If you only had a spine.
Oh, I could tell you why we need to do much more.
I’d probably not be such a wimpy bore
When I go out to take the floor
I could voice my opposition to every fringe position
And not just mewl and whine.
I could act a little stronger, be the Speaker so much longer
If I only had a spine.
                
                     ©2010 Squire Malloy.All Rights Reserved

BP, BP (Parody of “Beep Beep by The Playmates)
(Very slowly)
BP, BP,
Why do they blame BP?
While drilling in the gulf one day
What to my surprise
The Deep Water Horizon
Blew up before my eyes
The workers tried to jump off the rig
And some were screaming in pain
There’s sadly eleven coffins, for those that did remain
BP, BP, Why do they blame BP?
(Slowly)
The oil gushed out of the well
The “failsafe” didn’t work
Tony Hayward thought it would
He said so with a smirk
“Perhaps Transocean should take more care
When they put together a rig” (BP)
But oil keeps on spilling and the gulf smells like a pig
BP, BP, Why do they blame BP?
(Normal speed)
Now the oil is starting to spread
It’s making quite a mess
And how the hell to stop it
Is really anyone’s guess
The fish and birds are dying
They wash up covered in goo
Too bad the corporate brain trust had no idea what to do
BP, BP, Why do they blame BP?
(Quickly)
Let’s try a new relief well
The geniuses did say
Besides the leak is not that bad
Just a million gallons a day
Hayward wants his life back
Shrimp and clam men are living in hell (BP)
Is there anyone in this whole world who knows how to cap a well?
BP, BP, Why do they blame BP?
(Very quickly)
Now they’re using skimmers
To clean up some of the crap
The big shots point their fingers
And none are taking the rap
The beaches all are empty, in the restaurants nary a soul
Please God isn’t there anyone
Who can plug this fucking hole!

                                  ©2010 Squire Malloy.All Rights Reserved
　
　
　

  My name is Squire. I'll try to come up with something new every week or two for your entertainment. I'll also throw in some older material so you can get an idea of what I do.
I can't sing, but if you can, spread the stuff around and have fun with it. Feel free to use appropos ones for birthdays, roasts, parties, reunions, etc. Enjoy!
  Here's a new one, followed by a fairly recent writing:

RUN ,RUN, RUN (Parody of “Fun, Fun, Fun” by the Beach Boys)
　
Well the new GOP was taken over
By a whole bunch of nuts now
And you better tow the line, that’s for sure
There’s no ifs ands or buts now
If you move to the center Momma Grizzly’s
Gonna rip out your guts now
And you can’t run ,run , run
Til McConnell takes the t-bags away

Used to be Republicans were sane
But they’re just of one mind now
Since the crazies took over
Well a moderate is sure in a bind now
And if you got half a brain
You’re gonna be hard to find now
Cause you can’t run, run, run,
Til McConnell takes the t-bags away

Well this coming election’s shaping up
As a really big race now
But some of the dolts they got running
Are a national disgrace now
I want a triple digit IQ
But I can’t seem to find a trace now
Cause they can’t run, run, run,
Til McConnell takes the t-bags away


               ©2010 Squire Malloy.All Rights Reserved


TIGER, TIGER (Parody of “ The Tyger” By Blake)
　
Tiger, Tiger, not so bright
Should have kept your pants on tight
What immoral ass or thigh
Attracts your lusty leering eye?
　
Forsooth, what kind of model role
Puts his putz in any hole?
Instead of golfing with the pros
You used your club on seedy hos
　
What made you leave Elin at home?
Did you knock her up so you could roam?
Your poor wife’s world has gone to pot
What STDs has she now got?

Tiger, tiger, not so bright
How come your hos were always white?
So many girls within your vista
How come you never banged a sista?
\
And now you lie upon the street
With no golf shoes on your bare feet
Was it a 5 iron or a 3
Caused that errant drive into a tree?

Tiger, tiger not so bright
Should have kept your pants on tight
Accenture, Pepsi, and Gillette
Now think you are a real bad bet

But don’t despair as you lie there prone
Good news! Viagra’s on the phone!



              ©2010 Squire Malloy.All Rights Reserved