I Drank Some Very Bad Beer(Parody of "It was a Very Good Year" by Sinatra)

w/ apologies to The Chairman of the Board


When I was just 13, I drank some very bad beer
I drank some very bad beer
Served up by old maids
In little corner bars
Their foreheads had scars
And their teeth were green
When I was only 13

When I turned 21, I drank the same lousy beer
I drank the same lousy beer
But I strode into the joint
With my own ID
They were all shocked to see
That I wasn't 31
When I turned 21

When I was 35, I tried some imported beer
I tried some imported beer
With funny sounding names
In bottles and on tap
It tasted like crap
I was lucky to survive
When I was 35

When I was 44, I drank a lot more shitty beer
I drank a lot more shitty beer
And often wound up
Not knowing where I was
That was because
I'd passed out on the floor
When I was 44

When I was 59, the doctor told me "no more beer"
He told me "no more beer
You're gonna kill yourself
Or wind up on the street"
But my bartender was sweet
He said I looked just fine
When I was 59

But now the nights are short
I hit the john after each beer
And I think of my life as 1 big keg
I've suckled from the start
You can't keep us apart
I hope I've made it clear
I drank some very bad beer

If Ever I Should Study

This parody was written during my college days and reflects my lack of enthusiasm for higher learning.  Fathers Lawlor and O'Grady were theology teachers.  Father Fallon taught sociology, Mr. Fiekers chemistry, and Mr. Boursey German.
 I had a great time singing this song at my last school reunion.  Perhaps you could just plug in the names of your teachers and have some fun with this at your next high school or college gathering.

If Ever I Should Study(Parody of "If Ever I Would Leave You")by Robert Goulet

If ever I should study, how could it be for Lawlor?
Studying for Lawlor is just wasted time
The lectures are boring, the parables trite
The text is a joke book, any fool could write

If ever I should study, how could it be mathematics?
Following fanatics like Euclid and Boole
Subtraction is taxing, calc nobody knows
I need a computer, just to count my toes

And when I try to take a test it’s such a crime
I find it difficult enough just to pass the time

If ever I should study, how could it be for Fiekers?
Filling up those beakers with what I don’t know
I still can remember, when we blew up the lab
A third of our classmates wound up on the slab

If ever I should study, how could it be for Boursey?
Trouble was of course he could not understand
There’s no need to know German, I won’t travel that far
They’re all speaking English, since we won the war

Father O’Grady taught religion with such flair
It was no wonder that we named him the "dancing bear"

If ever I should study, how could it be for Fallon?
Social work is something you do at a bar!
Oh no I won’t study, neither Spring term nor Fall
No never will I study, at all!


(c)2010Squire Malloy. All Rights Reserved