"Chris Christie" Parody of "Moon River" by Andy Williams. OKay, I've just used this song, but the first line was just too good to pass up here

Chris Christie, wider than a mile
You'll fit through a turnstile, someday
No matter, you opted not to run
New Jersey's much more fun, you say
You've thrown your weight behind the Mitt
Hey just think of it, your team could be a hit
Chris Christie, VP!

Two Yankees, out to win the South
But one has a big mouth, you see
A Mormon and a Catholic Wop
In Dixieland they're sure to flop
The rebels just don't like their kind
It's Rick who they're behind, Christians of one mind
Chris Christie, R.I.P.!

  Squire Malloy2011(c) All Rights Reserved

Cain Wins Florida Straw Poll!

We interrupt our parodies here to report a shocking upset in Florida, where Herman Cain has won the Straw Poll! Here is one headline and some follow up articles from a prominent U.S. newspaper.

Cain " SHINES" in Sunshine State!  Perry, Romney, Bachmann pale by comparison.

Big Tent expands! Adds servants quarters.

Cain victory further muddies Republican primary. Will Florida Straw Poll results color GOP race?

"Rick Perry" (Parody of "Moon River" by Andy Williams

Rick Perry, crazy as can be
He doesn’t make much sense to me
"World warming’s just a pack of lies"
While Dallas boils at 1-0-5
He said that he wants to secede
It’s pretty much agreed, he must be off his feed
Rick Perry, hayseed

Rick Perry, foaming at the mouth
Another genius from the South
"Bernanke oughta get the chair"
It strikes me as a tad unfair
He wants Darwin out of the school
Creationism’s cool, the Bible has to rule
Rick Perry, a fool

SquireMalloy2011(c)All Rights Reserved

"Bachmann in the U.S.S.R." (Parody of " Back in the U.S.S.R." by The Beatles Candidate Bachmann recently made reference to the threat posed by the U.S.S.R. The clear and present danger from the Holy Roman Empire was oddly not mentioned

Flew in from the heartland on my corporate jet
Had to do my Christian thing
Packed up all my speeches and my talking points
My brain’s all I forgot to bring
I’m Bachmann in the U.S.S.R.
You know how stupid I are, boys
Bachmann in the U.S.S.R.

They went out of business 20 years ago
Must have missed the news that day
Watching all those foster kids is quite a chore
Besides, I need some time to pray
I’m Bachmann in the U.S.S.R.
You know how stupid I are, boys
Bachmann in the U.S.
Bachmann in the U.S.
Bachmann in the U.S.S.R.

Well I may have screwed up on Elvis’ birth
Some facts are hard to find
But neo-cons only love me more
Because it helps to prove I’m out of my mmmmmind
　
Take me North to Concord with the mountains white
Let me do my Tea-bag spin
Lookin’ for a statue of that Paul Revere
Don’t even know what state I’m in
I’m Bachmann in the U.S.S.R.
You know how stupid I are, boys
Bachmann in the U.S.S.R.

Squire Malloy2011.(c)All Rights Reserved

"Relegate" (Parody of " Renegade" by Styx)

Osama lived in fear for his life cause he knew his time was nigh
Seal 6 had planned an end to his terror, they would rain down from the sky
Osama we can hear you crying, preparing your swan song
Blackhawks are coming down from the heavens and you don’t have very long

The jig is up, the news is out, we finally found him
That piece of scum, that bearded bum, that pork laden Slim Jim
Never more to run amok
We gunned down that rotten f___, in Pakistan

Osama you’ve been years on the lam and had a high price on your head
Barack said get you dead or alive, but it seems he just meant dead
Osama I can hear you crying, preparing your swan song
Blackhawks are coming down from the heavens and you don’t have very long

The jig is up, the news is out, we finally found him
That piece of scum, that bearded bum, that pork laden Slim Jim
Never more to run amok
We gunned down that rotten f___, in Pakistan

Osama lived in fear for his life cause he knew his time was nigh
Seal 6 had planned an end to his terror, they would rain down from the sky
The jig is up, the news is out, we finally found him
That piece of scum, that bearded bum, that pork laden Slim Jim
Never more to run amok
We gunned down that rotten f___, in Pakistan
　

Young Boy (Parody of "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett) Okay, these last Philadelphia 'revelations" pushed me over the edge. Father, you know JUST what you do

Young boy get out of my mind
I can't stop thinking of your behind
Better run boy
Don't be my love toy

With all the charms of a pre-teen
Your hairless body turns me on
Come to the altar son
And pour some wine, wow you look fine
Oh look! My vestment's come undone, oh

Young boy get out of my mind
I can't stop thinking of your behind
Better run boy
don't be my love toy

Beneath your short pants and undies
I'm praying there's some hidden pelf
I know I'll rot in hell
Forever more, and that's for sure
But I just can't control myself,oh

Young boy get out of my mind
I can't stop thinking of your behind
Better run boy
Don't be my love toy

So hurry home to your pappa
But shut your mouth and dry your tears
Get out of here
Before the Bishop sees, my full disease
I might get canned in 30 years,oh

Young boy get out of my mind
I can't stop thinking of your behind
Better run boy
Don't be my love toy

  (c)2011Squire Malloy. All Rights Resarved

The Bimbo Infection (Parody of "The Rainbow Connection" by Sarah Mclachlan)

Why do the newswomen, all look like bimbos?
Bimbos have curves they can’t hide
Short skirts and v-necks, get them the ratings
Networks are beaming with pride
What’s so amazing, about young men gazing
At women so scantily clad?
The Nielsens and hemlines, both go up together
And corporate big-wigs are glad

Turn on the business news, to try and make money
You get go-go girls instead
Most are quite buxom, they’re slender and slinky
But nothing’s inside their head
We all watch the news then, cause you never know when
A "wardrobe malfunction" may come
They’re spiel isn’t witty, but as long as they’re pretty
We don’t give a damn that they’re dumb

All of us under their spell
Maybe their looks are hypnotic

Have you seen sports shows, they go in the lockers
What are they doing down there?
Guys stare and whistle, and then they file law suits
Some become millionaires
We’ve watched it too many times to ignore it
Skin is what we like to see
Someday we’ll cure it, the bimbo infection
The eunuchs, the gay guys, and me

(c)2011Squire Malloy. All Rights Reserved